BK's Lounge~!

Sigh

I feel like sometimes, I can be a little to mean to some people even though I am only teasing with them. But i realize how I can really hurt some people’s feelings and that eventually backfires on me because I can get butthurt really easily even though I may not seem like it at times. This is pretty ironic for me because I can get hurt easily but I hurt others. Maybe I hurt others because I have been hurt since my young age. Since I was a child, I knew what it felt like to be separated and segregated by other people for who I was. That feeling as a child has forever scarred me and my thoughts have always been hostile to others and maybe that is why it is very difficult for people to truly become a good friend of mine because I need to get comfortable with them first. I am sorry to all of you out there who I have afflicted pain on and I hope that you will understand that it really is not what I truly feel towards you. After a while, I just have noticed how the way people talk of even “flirt” with each other at times is to be mean to each other and say comebacks at each other and sometimes you randomly start kissing or something stupid like that. That is not from experience but it seems like that is how the society is nowadays: so jacked up. But then again, it always has been and always will be because there is sin in the world. I cannot wait to go to heaven but I hope that while I am still here, I will be able to make up to all the people that might be hurt by me and others why just do not know me truly but only from first impressions. I hope that maybe we can start all over from fresh and that I would not screw it all over again with all of you guys… I only try to blend it with everyone and I try but I constantly hear people calling me queer or gay or weird or stupid or douche etc etc etc. That really hurts. I doubt ANYONE will actually read all of this and I am sorry for just ranting constantly right now but I have had this inside me the whole time and there was no where to take it out normally without it being very awkward except on here right now. I hope everyone is doing well and does well while I will be forever alone. T-T